What I've did and done and tried to lose weight but failed, terribly

Okay, disclaimer ya! 
These are the methods that FAILED badly that DID NOT help me lose weight, and some even helped me gain weight -.-

Since I've reached my heaviest of 54kg a few months back, I woke up. Like seriously I felt a DING in my brain. I was thinking, " oh my fuck elysa. oh my fuck. how did you even let yourself become like this??"
I looked into the mirror and just puke buckets of eekiness . I just looked horrible.

Even now, while I'm typing out this post, I'm still feeling eeky and disgusted at myself. I've tried so many things to lose weight from like September 2011 till now. It's already more then a year and yet I've gained more that lose :O Let's put them in bulletpoints to make them seem and look more neat shall I ?

  1. Slimming pills
Oh yes guys and girls, I tried this method. The last resort that I said to myself that I would try, because it is just ................................. bad. I went to Malaysia and this woman dragged me and talked to me for about 10 to 15 minutes about this new "herbal", "healthy" slimming pills that does not cause any side effects blah blah blah and all that shit. She even showed me some of their "customers" who tried them and "lose weight". And quotes on what they said like, "OMG this pill is awesome it made me drop 4kg in a month!" "FUCK EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT, THIS PILL MADE ME LOSE 10KG IN 2 WEEKS!" It sound so tempting to give it a try aye! So i did. it was average price I guess, around 70RM for a jar of 30 pills. So I took them for about 2 weeks. 

The taste was so bad. 

It didn't help me in ANY way. 

I couldn't shit. lol i have no idea why. and now the jar of slimming pills is just sitting at the highest shelf in my room, collecting dust.

I actually kinda expected that to happen cause slimming pills sound too good to be true. Like if slimming pills really do work, there won't be oversized people in the world anymore. Everyone will be skinny and there won't be bigger clothes sold in stores. 

2. Starving the fuck out of myself

Okay larh, this method works. FOR THE MOST A MONTH. I always last only for max 2 weeks though :(

This method I always go on off. That means I'll do this for 14 days and then I'll have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge massive craving and do a binge eating session. This method is why I became a binge eater as well. Fuck this shit man. 

I've come to realise that starving equals to your body wanting MORE food after a certain period of time. The first couple of days will be fine, your body will be like la di da di da.

But after around a week or so, your body is gonna lack tons of nutrients because of the lack of food, causing it to crave for unhealthy and/or junk food. So at the end, you'll give into your cravings and start digging into containers of ice cream, packets of biscuits and chips, plates of cakes, mountains of fries,  ............................................

You know them.

Some people may resist the binge or can control themselves to just have a liiiitle bit of a cake or something, BUT I FUCKING CAN'T. 

So, after I've had my binge and a stomach so big I bet I'll look like a fat barbarian, I'll feel guilty. So I've drawn out a veli porvessional diagram of how this method somehow works. Using paint. 

Elysa's starving and eating theory
Yup that just sums it up.

3. Exercising like a retarded monkey 

Yes yes yes, exercising is good for you. Exercising makes you lose weight yes yes I know that. But you may be thinking, why is exercising in my list of failed losing weight method?

Well, let me tell you.

It's not that exercising is not good or anything, but because you NEED to combine exercising with a proper diet. But I didn't.

I thought to myself, " Hey, I could eat a whole bunch of food, and exercise the calories off afterwards for a couple of hours!"

So I would eat like, 2 plates of pasta, a cup of bubble tea, some old chang kee foodies and ice cream and all that shit, Wait for like 2 hours to let the food settle and exercise like a bombarded tits for like 3 to 4 hours. 

I would do Insanity ( a super duper ultra duper super intense workout ), play ddr through wii, do some jumping jacks, skipping rope, run, jog, walk allll in 3 to 4 hours.

Now thinking, That's some crazy shit I did there man. Crazy shit.

So I did that for 2 months, lasted quite long actually, and didn't lose a single pound. In fact, I gained like 3kg ! 

I was so devastated I tell ya, all my hardwork and effort in working out went down the drain. 

I actually ate too much I guess and the exercises I did did helped me burn some calories, but not enough. 


4. Water diet 

Okay this, I have nothing to say man. I did this for a day and almost died. I think others can just drink water and not eat for a couple of days, even a week. But nope I can't.

I felt tired, weak, lazy, overall I have a bad mood the entire day and felt like I couldn't even walk properly. I even felt lazy to walk! 

Me when walking

Water is good for you, of course, but just water doesn't provide much energy I guess. 

5. Meal replacement shakes 

This is actually quite okay larh. I bought strawberry, vanilla and chocolate flavours.

Looks something like this : 

Yum Yum.

One shake is around 250 calories and it is suppose to replace a meal like lunch or dinner. So no eating, just drinking. But actually they tasted quite good. Really good in fact.

But then.... I treated them as real drinks instead and drank this with my meal -.-
cause just drinking this didn't make me feel full or satisfied and after a while I got hungry. sigh.

this is not really fail larh, just that I don't think this could replace a meal :O for me. 

After going through all this crappy methods to lose weight, I've finally realised that diets are all gimmicks and motherfuckers.

Losing weight is actually SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO damn simple, and here I am making it seem so hard.

The real method to lose weight successfully and keep it off is :

Exercise and eat right . 

Thats all. THATS ALL. OMG I DIDN'T WANNA BELIEVE THAT AND #$%^&*(*&^%$#@!@#$%^&

So now I'm gonna start eating right and exercise right.

Starving, diets, and slimming pills are all not for the long run.

To maintain weight loss for the rest of your life, exercise and eat right.

Cause like, what is the point of losing weight only for like a couple of months or a year and gain them all back and maybe even more ?

isn't it better to lose weight once and for all and not yoyo dieting ? 

In the past I only thought of the short term and thinking that once I lose weight I'll look pretty and thin and could fit into my clothes. But can I actually starve FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE ? can I exercise 3 to 4 hours FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE ? can I take slimming pills FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE ? 

Answer ( for me but I don't know about you ) is nope. nope. and nope. 

Ending with my teeth. Bye ! 


  1. Anonymous13.2.13

    um this post was hilarious i love you. haha.


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