ANNOUNCEMENT: I'M OFFICIALLY STOPPING THE 30 DAYS THINSPO CHALLENGE .

***Disclaimer! These are just my personal opinions. Different people have different thinkings and opinions.***

Okay, it's not really an announcement but I'm gonna stop the 30 days Thinspo challenge.

Haha Yes I know I'll only done like what, 2 days? But there is a reason that I've decided to stop this challenge. Today my mum got me the January 2013 issue of CLEO Singapore (Thanks mummy!) and I came across this particular issue from the magazine that really really caught my eyes. 

Okay I don't think you can see/read what this article is about, but the title is quite obvious.

TOO MUCH THINTEREST?

'Thinspiration'

'I hate my thighs'

'My arms are so flabby'

'My stomach is bulging'

'My cheeks are so puffy'

'My hips are huge'

'My butt is big'

'My wrist is fat'

FAT.

FAT.

FAT.

Okay, I'll be typing out some of my personal thoughts and opinions as well as some things written from the article.

It is everywhere on the internet right now in this 21st Century.

Even if you're not seeking these 'Thinspirations', somehow or other you're bound to see some of these Thinspo images or 'Thinspirations'.

There are hundreds and thousands of these images of super skinny, super thin girls or young women posted on many websites and especially social media sites, supposedly promoting, encouraging and reminding people/followers: 

TO BE AS THIN AS POSSIBLE.

Strict diet and exercise regimes. 

Text posts of 'I want a flat stomach and thigh gap'.

There are especially soooo many tumblr sites that can be easily found online.

And yes, I am one of them who searches for 'Thinspirations', Thinspo images, diets .. etc

But this has got me thinking, 

because of me, myself becoming super duper conscious about my weight and looks and how I want to be as skinny and pretty as others and continuously obsessing about my weight,

I realised,

I don't enjoy life like before,

I kept myself in a corner,

I don't socialise as well as before,

I don't want to talk to other people because I'm afraid of what others think of me,

I keep quiet and as a result I've become a 'loner',

I binge eat out of frustration and anger and loneliness,

I crave for all the foods I restricted myself from my 'diet' and binge eat at the end, 

I stuff myself with so much food my stomach hurts,

I starve myself to the point where I feel so weak and energy-less,

I've become really, really self-conscious of myself and always compare myself to others especially to skinny and pretty girls,

I look at skinny girls and think to myself 'I wish I could look like that',

I don't wear the clothes I really love and want to wear out of my home because I would worry about how others would view me,

I judge myself harshly,

I cry myself to sleep,

I criticize myself (fat, ugly, short, disgusting, fat,fat,fat,fat,fat,fat),

I go on extreme diets and then crash and burn like hell.

I miss the times when I was 7 or 8. Where life seemed like rainbows and unicorns, and I felt that everything was so care-free and all I did was eat and play and eat and play and eat and play the entire day. 

Read about my dieting and binge eating experience: http://elysaajusshi.blogspot.sg/2012/09/body-image.html

I know there are many people who are in the same position as I am.

Although you're friends or/and family may not understand how you feel,

You find that when you're on the internet and browsing through these type of things,

you find that there are others out there with the same insecurities and you somehow have a sense of 'belonging'.

I know. Same goes for me.

Yes. I don't want this self-hatred upon myself. Or anyone else.

I don't want anybody to hate their bodies or/and themselves. 

But I know, sometimes, or actually a lot of times, it is not easy to stop. 

No one wants to be judged.

Okay, frankly speaking, I don't know if these 'Thinspirations' are good or bad.

There are some posts of healthy eating, motivating exercise, girls with abs and muscles, cut out junk food...

Which is good. It motivates us to be healthier and to have some movement in life and to tone up. It's Good.

But when I see images of super skinny-ass girls with legs like sticks and bones and bodies so fragile-looking they look like they could break anytime, I'm like WOAH.

Yes I understand that there are girls out there who are born like that. Girls with the 'skinny genes'. They can somehow eat quite a lot or they don't have to diet or anything to be that skinny. They are just born like that. 

So yes I totally understand and recognise and acknowledge that fact.

But girls like me, who don't have the 'skinny genes' and just look average, we tend to wanna look like them. 

So in the end, average girls like me will diet like crazy-ass retards to be as thin as possible.

But sometimes, we really, seriously, really can't look like Victoria Secret Models because of our bone and body structure. 

I feel that,

Society is getting harsher in judging people in terms of their sizes and looks. 

Yes I know, some people will be like, oh, just match the standards. Go do whatever it takes to lose weight and fit into society. Don't be such a lazy-ass bitch and get off your fucking butt and MOVE.

But you have to understand that sometimes, it is pressurising and emotionally and physically traumatizing for us at the same time. 

I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking now, but all I know is, life is hard. 

Life is really hard but no matter what, 

BE POSITIVE.

Truthfully speaking, you can't change society's standards and if you can't change yourself, all you can do for now is to try to accept yourself and look at the positive side of things.

I know there may be no positive side but, try to find one. Be it a hobby or interest like art, painting, drawing, playing basketball, running, reading a book, playing the guitar, watching lame but funny YouTube videos (nigahiga, perhaps?).

Currently I'm trying to find my own 'positive side' as well because I know that I am super ultra self-conscious and I hate myself. So I'm trying to change that. It's FUCKING HARD. But what other choices do I have? I only have this one life and I have no other choices but to make the best out of it. 

PLEASE, PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF.

Best of luck, girls and guys. :)